she makes me want to have that love that i'm scared of..

she makes me feel like a happy ending..

no one should ever make assumptions

what is friendship to you
can you tell me it's something we don't have

you led me to believe my love was reciprocal

although
i feel as if you've only bruised me..
nothing permanent.. no broken bones.. no scars.

i now understand what our relationship means to you..
and what it has meant.
time spent with you has been foreplay..
and all conversations have been pillowtalk..
the meaningful friendship we had was just a dream

i still don't understand
how you laughed until i fell apart..
how you talked until i silently cried..
things were worse than my confusion would let me believe at the time

you kissed me on the cheek after you betrayed me

define betrayal
define friendship

i'm not sure if you thought that would make things all better
it didn't

there is no answer

there are secrets lurking around every corner..

oh the things you think you know about someone..

that boy in your bed. has been my boy...

that girl you thought you knew.. tells me things that would make you weep.

what do your parents do when you're not around.. you could never imagine..

everyone is more of a lie than you thought.

friendships are only an effort to feel loved.. to feel wanted and accepted..
friendships are kept to keep from loneliness..

are you really happy with the things you do..
the actions you take to make others happy..
with the things they do to make themselves happy...
with the problems and lies you know exist but refuse to believe

this world is disgusting..
but what can someone do..
what is there to do..

helping makes you look pathetic..
not caring and pretending not to care makes you a hypocrite..

ignoring it makes things go smoothly..
but then things never feel right in the end..

those awkward situations didn't used to be so awkward..
those good times.. used to be genuine..

so better yourself.. and avoid everyone?
who are you impressing with your knowledge..
there is a reason you are trying so hard.. there is a purpose..

motives exist in even the tiniest of movements..

there is no answer..
i know nothing..
i have no answers..
we are all lost..
and all damned.

\m/

i miss the things you would say
the times words were always too much..

i want to revert to the days when i knew less about the others..
those days when all i had were your thoughts

i could cry for the secrets that we shared..
the moments that i had without you even knowing..

i thought you were me
so i let myself forget about you..

if only i could stop thinking of how sad we have become and just talk to you...

i'll be 'ok'

she layed there with a smile on her face..
while i had tears on mine..
she could not see my damp cheeks
but i know she felt my sadness.

when there is no hope of help
there is nothing to do but pretend everything will be 'ok'

she was the only one who could break me

i gave her everything without her asking for anything
she loved me - she adored me..
but she betrayed me..
she broke my heart like noone else could
i gave her so much
and she wanted more

a.c.

this place is a wasteland..
you said it so perfectly

words these people don't like to hear..

we are all selfish and souless..
lonley and lost..
yet we don't try to look to each other for solace..

just good times that mean nothing
how can someone say they love me
when they know nothing about me..

i'm trying hard to not say those words
but people have expectations
people feed on your warmth
they dine on your empathy and give you nothing for your kindness

this place is savage
these people hungry beasts
these people that i call home..

you said we are all lonely
and it's true..
i'm sad and i feel it daily
but yet i've forgotten how to listen
how to care..
i have taken you for granted
as i do myself

i have forgotten how to be a 'good' person
but i have learned how to fake it

i have adjusted to this empty way of life..
i see so many other people live this life
that i begin to think that this is normal
this is how the world is supposed to be
void of true feeling

i have managed to become the person i didn't want to be
and i hadn't fully realized it..
it's not as though i had been completely oblivious of it..
but i just didn't think anyone noticed

everyone else is so wrapped up in theirselves
in their lonliness

you are right- you are..
not about everything........just about me..

the wind blows and you become restless

something is changing inside you

looking at her with disdain you feel the wind move through you

if you run you know you'll seem foolish

she feels your fear and moves closer

your mind is racing
you're confused and afraid

people are moving all around you, they seem the same
as you become new.. aware.

this lonley place

sitting on cold limestone
waiting for life to begin..

everyone is moving around me
walking - running
on their way to nowhere
with a doubtful purpose in mind

even the wind seems to have a strict agenda

no matter where life is moving
it's going alone...
listening to some sad song
everyone is pretending not to notice anyone else

talking on their phones to invisible friends
trying hard to look wrapped up in their own existence
trying to forget you have one.

an empty shell

as i click away at the computer..
looking for some sign of life. .
i feel myself slipping away..
further and further into a place i don't recognize

this new person feels awkward and unstable
my kitten looks to me for reassurance that i'm still me
i can give him none

this cough.. this spewing of bad that is inside of me..
it's been with me for quite some time..
i know i can make it leave.. but i won't ..
the bad keeps growing

i'm trying, well i wish i could say i am
really i'm just pretending to hold on
trying to seem like i still care

people worry when you don't pretend
when i come to the point where i can no longer remember how it feels to be her
i think then, then you will worry
the faking can only last so long..

still clicking away.. no one's there
not a soul ... soul's don't last long where i live
i haven't seen one in a while
sometimes i think i can feel traces of them
left on those people that i hug
just enough to know they've just lost it