an empty shell

as i click away at the computer..
looking for some sign of life. .
i feel myself slipping away..
further and further into a place i don't recognize

this new person feels awkward and unstable
my kitten looks to me for reassurance that i'm still me
i can give him none

this cough.. this spewing of bad that is inside of me..
it's been with me for quite some time..
i know i can make it leave.. but i won't ..
the bad keeps growing

i'm trying, well i wish i could say i am
really i'm just pretending to hold on
trying to seem like i still care

people worry when you don't pretend
when i come to the point where i can no longer remember how it feels to be her
i think then, then you will worry
the faking can only last so long..

still clicking away.. no one's there
not a soul ... soul's don't last long where i live
i haven't seen one in a while
sometimes i think i can feel traces of them
left on those people that i hug
just enough to know they've just lost it