moss on my feet.

the weather is irrational
sunny with hard rain


i'm cold hot & wet
from sky and sweat

the air smells like summer in the country
spent with my aunt feeding cows
and riding horses in the woods

my hands smell of body odor
and feel gritty from old sweat and long days

the air just changed to that of a carnival
cotton candy and bright lights
grease and laughing

the hard street is comforting
dark and shimmering


with each step
i grow more content.

the sun is warm on my back and
i feel like this is where i'm supposed to be

when home means heaven

everything always ends with whiskey
but tonight started a different way

swimming on the floor
voices in the clouds
moving - talking -
words never spoken but heard-
thoughts in unison
thinking in songs
songs thinking in me

worlds they never knew i gave them-
they made them-
we created ourselves picture perfect-
parts moving on their own
frantically moving
crying - laughing
wanting more
wanting nothing

perfection

fuck you
fuck technology

this is heaven
this place
this home

new worlds & places
music & perfection

rooms - places - times-
everything better than the last

parking lot
living room floor
kitchen floor

girls on sinks
complete terror

dark rooms
hidden girls
new faces
scary places
running - hiding -
from yourself

finding freedom
liberation

they never knew the four of us would create heaven
we are everything-

happiness
living is right now
this is fucking life.

it's unexplainable
the end.





(what's all the shit outside of here? i don't want to know. i don't want to go. don't want to go there again - the soundtrack of our lives is something no one has heard - just feels like home - this is home - i am home. -from a friend-)

the inarticulate soul of a man

scar tissue builds up
over the years
it would take major surgery
to remove
it's so much easier to hurt than
to try
defensive mechanisms raise up
and more scar tissue builds up.
you know you have common goals
work to do.
but its built up for years
can you break through?
or will you totally break my heart
before i can break through?

-- Rick Graves
a man i knew no more
and no less from his words.

i will miss you

to a friend i barely had..
to a guy i wish i knew

to someone who made me feel comfortable..
who made fun happen wherever he went..

to the man who could have been..

to the dream seeker who was..

to the boy that asked for my trust
and didn't let me down..

to him for trying with all he had when there was little hope..
to the one who could turn things around for the best even if there was no good to be found..

to curtis for being so amazing..
and so missed.

i thought you were mutual

i thought it was mutual. ..
i thought i was really all you ever needed..

i love you so much..
but all you want is him..

i give you everything..
more than i've ever given another..

i love you in that "unnatural" kind of way..
but it's not like you think..

i just don't understand..
why you have to be with him every night..

you tell me that's not what you want..
but i wonder if you say that because that's what i want to hear..

fuck it.
i want you to love..
i want you to lust...
i want you to have others in your life..

but this boy..
this one boy..
he's consuming the girl.. i thought would always be mine..
and it scares me ..

i can't do anything
but cry..
i don't know how to tell you..

i say things in a sarcastic way..
and i make gestures in a distasteful manner..

all i want is for you to be with me..
i don't know why..
this is the first time i've had to deal with you
in a boy's arms every night..
and i didn't think you wanted that..
but again.. maybe you were just saying that for show...

all i know is that i miss you and i'm jealous..

wishfull thinking

where have you been hiding

in your house

in between shadows

underneath lies and insecurities