i thought you were mutual

i thought it was mutual. ..
i thought i was really all you ever needed..

i love you so much..
but all you want is him..

i give you everything..
more than i've ever given another..

i love you in that "unnatural" kind of way..
but it's not like you think..

i just don't understand..
why you have to be with him every night..

you tell me that's not what you want..
but i wonder if you say that because that's what i want to hear..

fuck it.
i want you to love..
i want you to lust...
i want you to have others in your life..

but this boy..
this one boy..
he's consuming the girl.. i thought would always be mine..
and it scares me ..

i can't do anything
but cry..
i don't know how to tell you..

i say things in a sarcastic way..
and i make gestures in a distasteful manner..

all i want is for you to be with me..
i don't know why..
this is the first time i've had to deal with you
in a boy's arms every night..
and i didn't think you wanted that..
but again.. maybe you were just saying that for show...

all i know is that i miss you and i'm jealous..