if you only listened like you used to.. maybe you might hear me.

if you only cared enough.. you would know you're hurting me.

if you actually loved me unconditionally like you say you do.. i wouldn't feel so alone.. i wouldn't feel like i'm constantly to blame.. i wouldn't always be striving to make things right when i was never in the wrong.

if only things weren't so complicated in your head. and you could just see me. see the girl i am. not the person you met long ago. or the fantasy friend you've created me to be.

if.. if we could just be, again..


dead end

i'm growing tired of this life..
it's fun until i sit down..
until i focus my eyes..

it works when i don't try to look at what i've earned..
but see what i've given.
even then i might have put more than my fair share in.

it's a psychotic phase.. of extreme social highs and super lonely lows..
i thought i got out of this cycle years ago.. it looks as if it's not a sequence i can stray from, but a strict path.

i'm weary and worn..
it's taken a toll on my heart and head..
i'm ill. and this is final. i must cut the course short.

sometimes i get onto that site our generation has
that one we use too much..
i go there and look you up..
to look at your face, your smile..
all the pictures that i took of you..
all the ones of you loving me.. and then the latter.. when things were not the same..
i don't know why i do this.. or that i'm doing it now..
i haven't talked to you in days..
because i don't think i really need you much..
but i still want you to need me.



"what do you do when someone you love lets you down and really fucks you over?"

"you must try to stop loving them."

"is that possible?"

"no, i don't think so."