broken wood on my finger

so many friendly faces surrounding me
and all i feel is doom

the booze is not helping
the fun is not ceasing

i want to know how you feel
but is there any way to have an actual rational thought or genuine feeling right now.

pictures can't remind me of the good times we had
because it was only you that was smiling

broken hearts and disillusioned sexual fantasies
make this night in every way.

i wish you were here
and when i say you i don't mean them and i don't mean you
i am missing the person i haven't met or someone i don't remember
i am missing that feeling of being whole. that feeling of comfort

where has all my time gone.
all the memories i don't recall
all these so called good times that you said i had.


to kill a man with prayer

what a small awkward man you were
with a voice like that of a childs whine or a squeaky floor board

quiet and decietful was your way as you walked upon this earth

many found joy in your company
while only those who knew you best saw you as
the man you were
- a man who faked empathy and valued gold more than compassion

you suffocated others with your pompous air and killed two men with your prayers

you were the kind of person who looked at a crowd and saw only yourself

you saw another man's tragedy and made it your own.
you were a theif of stories and sadness
writing about other's terror - making monsters out of men
and gods out of monsters

how good of you to realize:
"More tears are shed over answered prayers than over unanswered ones."

that for which you prayed, mr. capote, the death of those men, eventually killed you.



elapsed time

I'm counting down the hours
till i get to be next to you
so close to you and it won't be questioned...
no one can assume anything
i have a purpose by your side
and you'll have one by mine

i'm counting down the minutes
until you're touching me -
holding me underneath your hands
so close i can feel your breath

i'm counting down the moments until
elation is the needle in my arm
the needle in my arm by your hand
counting down time until ...