a cold night and a bottle of wine

sitting alone
smoking my cheap cigarettes
chugging coffee
waiting for death
or a stranger to walk through
my door to drag me
out into the cold night

rent is due today
which means it's late
i'm down to half a roll of
toilet paper i stole from work
and one can of food for my cat

but i have my solitude-
my coffee-
my cigarettes-
and there's music
there's always music-
even when the cupboards are bare and
the cold wind seeps into my soul
there's music

and wine
a bottle of wine is sitting alone
in my room - calling to me
so there's that-
i should have no needs beyond that



and i've come home drunk again
with so many secrets
and sad stories swelling inside my head
how can i sleep
friends of mine who hate friends of roommates with babies that are ghosts
lovers who fight when they drink
who drink because they're happy
how do i cope
am i supposed to cope at all
all these things
these problems- they're not my own
but they affect me everyday
how can i sleep without thinking
how can i sleep without drinking
visions of other's fights-
suicide attempts
unexpected babies
adultries - running through my head
i wonder- if anyone else has to deal with loved ones like these
every possible disappointment but death
but it seems it's on the horizon



i'm sorry
i don't have the words
to say what you want to hear

when my heart grows cold for reasons
that are not all pertaining to
burnt cigarettes and missing food

well it's not an easy thing
it's not something any one
person can cure

but a simple love song is a start

you have lit the path to my heart
now maybe hand in hand
we can find our way together-

we will solve the mystery of the frozen heart


there is nothing more inviting
than to watch the re-selling of a gentleman's soul