life was going so well..

now everyday is a struggle

every face is a lie

every word is forgotten

i think you know
worrying to worry- of things that shouldn't matter.
always questioning- are you doing what you need to be.
wondering where you'll end up- will things ever be right.

how are you

feeling to need
wanting to twist your words-
watch them bend and break-

how are you. . . . who you are

i think this is a valuable lesson
drowning under dreams
where things are happy
and never as they should be

goodbye.

i cringe every time the phone rings

i don't want to talk

i can't say no

how'd you know i'd be home

hello.

fake laughter.

why are you checking up on me?

goodbye.

cold metal in my hand

the breath of fall on my feet

motionless shadow staring back at me

there's no turning back

there's a sickness growing inside me

a disease i can't stop

a disease that will remain nameless

i'm wondering-

if no one reads my words-

if no one lives here-

if no one knows where i reside-

if no one calls-

if i don't answer-

will anyone know if i'm breathing.

i will be out of reach now-

down the hatch
up the nose-

i'll see you later-

friends and foes-
no more can i tell the difference

than can i tell where sky begins and ends-

evidence of you

empty bottles of whiskey by the bed

and burnt cigarettes in a bowl

tell me you were here-

all the pieces

walking...

i see the pieces-

the pieces of us
of her- of him
of them

the things we never wanna forget
the things we'll never remember

as simple as
you sitting there

as ordinary as me sitting here--

watching waiting hoping-


how often things go unnoticed
how often i pretend to remember

walking i see
the rocks that cover where things once were-

where there was tracks there were trains-
did we really forget- can the rocks the gravel hide our history

i pass the pieces everyday-

things we'll never forget
things we'll never remember

the pieces laying on the streets
the pieces of you on my floor
the pieces she left inside of you-

how often we move on -
forgetting those things that once mattered so much-



time is a disease-
that we can never cure-

the mind holds so much
but our heart so little

walking
i almost forget to look-
i almost forget i'm tripping .. over the pieces

the pieces the man left behind
the pieces within you within him

the things we once knew and felt and believed

the things only time can kill

walking
remembering
feeling

the pieces float by me-
looking to find the pieces

is the only way to see them

there are pieces written on the walls
the walls you pass by on your way to work
the walls that you forget to see

pieces of our history-
of our now-
pieces you remember to forget

things you'll do -
things you always thought you'd be

that girl- the one standing next to you-
she once knew how things would turn out
how things would finish

that girl - the one dancing
the one forgetting-

that girl
that's forgotten

that girl that's forgotten by you
by him- by her- by them

by me

so many pieces
some big some small
pieces that fade with time-
pieces that only our future forgets

such as those rocks that cover the tracks-
where trains once heaved-
they will disappear

they will be smashed into earth-
as you stumble over them

as you fall over the pieces
the pieces you will never notice
the pieces you want to forget

those rocks that cover the tracks
those seemingly small pieces of time


those rocks that cover the tracks
will someday
..just be rocks

another day

those secrets never meant so much

and then you walked away

i can only mask my innability to be
comfortable and happy for so long
and then this undescribable unsettling feeling falls upon me for a few days
creating some surreal- seemingly sad and anxious moments
only after feeling out of place for a short time can i go back to pretending

finding beauty in most everything

only reflects the sadness of humanity

it will be ok

she finds herself saying "it will be ok"
too many times a day
without realizing it she lets herself feel nothing

this will be ok.

she doesn't let herself feel
she sees emotions
she thinks in emotion
she doesn't feel them

this will pass.
this will be alright.
this will go away.
everything will work out.
everything will fix itself.
everything is changing.

she knows she's fucking up
she knows she makes a fool of herself

she sees the good times and tries to stretch them
until she sees through them for
times that were masked with emotion

nothing was felt nothing changed

she is still the same

...

sitting waiting ..

i wonder what you'll think of next