i can feel the fear rising inside me as the rain falls hard around me
listening to the saddest song i could find
feeling as if my own is possibly more so.
or am i being over dramatic
the fear is lumping in the back of my throat
i feel like i could choke on it
just run out of air
driving-swerving-crashing in the rain
with no breath and his name staining my cheeks
someone would find me cold and heartbroken in the roadside grass.
i can't help but believe i killed him and that i deserve this fate
it will correct all wrongs
the fear of tragedy is overtaking me
the car is slipping in the thick puddles of heavy rain
could this be.. THE night.
my ribs are aching again
the pressure of life is sitting heavy upon me
once again

if only this life would have started out different
with a bit more hope

as soon as there is a little light
there is tragedy

the thought of you wrapped around me sounds beautiful
however his death is constantly on my mind
and happiness is never pure

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bruises stain my legs
and I'm at work again

another pointless night-
an unforgiving one-

two beers in my body
and it's not enough.

my scars make me feel
like I've lived

talking to strangers - serving them
it's belittling-

this place is a dirty cave
smelling of stale beer and old pizza

no one to talk to
nothing to occupy my time

chain smoking and hope that
tomorrow offers excitement is all i have

the tip jar is mostly bare
a few silver coins litter the bottom-
how will i buy love and beer tomorrow-

i smell like him or maybe that's just how i smell-
either way it reminds me of him-

i keep thinking I'm ready to leave
but nothing waits for me at home-

people come in - laughing and talking
with sweat rolling down their jowls
when they smile i can see
the bits of hate sticking to their teeth
they are just as anxious for life to begin as i am-

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