at work again..

slice after slice comes out of the oven and into their faces.. so many faces.. most of them familiar from nights before.. some new, some confused .. but all the same.

but things aren't so bad..

however the clock seems to have stopped moving forward..

chain smoking and chugging raspberry flavored water doesn't seem to be making time slip by any faster..

friends have been coming in at different intervals to remind me that they love me.. but really rubbing in my face their good times.. and carefree summer nights

but i'm ok with that.. when they're here the clock seems to unfreeze and work for but a few minutes..

soon time will have passed and i will go home and then what..

i will sleep restlessly to wake and do it all over again.

work

bruises stain my legs
and I'm at work again

another pointless night-
an unforgiving one-

two beers in my body
and it's not enough.

my scars make me feel
like I've lived

talking to strangers - serving them
it's belittling-

this place is a dirty cave
smelling of stale beer and old pizza

no one to talk to
nothing to occupy my time

chain smoking and hope that
tomorrow offers excitement is all i have

the tip jar is mostly bare
a few silver coins litter the bottom-
how will i buy love and beer tomorrow-

i smell like him or maybe that's just how i smell-
either way it reminds me of him-

i keep thinking I'm ready to leave
but nothing waits for me at home-

people come in - laughing and talking
with sweat rolling down their jowls
when they smile i can see
the bits of hate sticking to their teeth
they are just as anxious for life to begin as i am-

the inarticulate soul of a man

scar tissue builds up
over the years
it would take major surgery
to remove
it's so much easier to hurt than
to try
defensive mechanisms raise up
and more scar tissue builds up.
you know you have common goals
work to do.
but its built up for years
can you break through?
or will you totally break my heart
before i can break through?

-- Rick Graves
a man i knew no more
and no less from his words.