because i told you

i don't know that it will ever matter how many tears i've cried.. how much laughter i spread..

things will keep on going..

you will all forget.. in time.

i will never have mattered.

there will always be the select few that will think fondly of me, now and then..

but for the reasons i've been sad.. for the things i've done right or wrong.. they will never have mattered in the end.

just know that when i loved, i really really loved.

and when i didn't i was just being stubborn.

i always knew this would be. don't think i was clueless. it was always very real to me... always there in the back of my head. i did many of the things i did. knowing this would be my end.