To make me feel 'in love'

right now..
in this state - anything could happen-
i feel so numb - so void of life -

i want pills - i want lone cold nights-
i want redemption-
give me emotion i can inject -
give me passion i can snort -
feelings i can swallow -

i want drama.
i want hardship.

anything to make me believe i'm not sleeping
anything to disconnect
anything to imagine

to think no one could understand would be selfish-foolish
no more pretending.
however - knowing that..
makes nothing easier
it doesn't make the days shorter -
or life better
the sun brighter - the moon fuller -
all that happy bullshit that's only real when someone thinks they're 'in love' -

damn. writing isn't even helping this night end faster- feel warmer-
i still need those drugs -
those magical pills to right all wrongs -
to make the sun and moon feel alive