dear mother

you are the love-hate
relationship of my life-
and when i'm in love w/ you-
i've forgotten how i hate you-
and how you've hurt me-
and then you do and i remember
that you have hurt me more times in my
life than you have said "i love you"
and that makes it all worse--

i try to make you proud-- i just
want you to support me- back me-
love me- beyond conditions-

you know.. i've learned to not tell you my secrets-
when in the past -- i was proud that i could
be so open w/ you- but those
things i've said in confidence - you've laughed
at or belittled -

you are my favorite enemy and my worst friend-
and if you were anyone else-
i would have already thrown you away-
but what can i do--

you are in fact the woman who brought me into
this world.... to have me suffer your own
hurtful words- your humiliations..