sitting amongst friends and good conversation

i feel more alone than ever-
i feel disappointed and let down-
when nothing was really expected-

all i can think of is the bag in my pocket-

all i can do is hate myself for what i've done

sitting here writing while you're laughing-
i wish i could participate but there's no hope in that-

you have no idea- but to believe me when i say i'm just tired
there is something wrong- i've yet to figure it out

i suspect the problem to be something you know but don't want to say-

the thing we both ignore--

sitting with you -while you pour drinks down your throats and push sex in your eyes-
i wish i didn't have to pretend to be having a good time-